chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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