I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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