Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
