well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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