Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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