I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
