Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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