watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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