OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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