Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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