Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
