Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
