i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
