the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
