my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
