hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
