If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
