her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
