well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
