Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
