I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
