I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
