Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
