I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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