Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
