I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
