I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
