I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
