Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
