I hate your face
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
