thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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