Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
