Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
