if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
