All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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