3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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