I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
