Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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