New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
