naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
