were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
