Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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