Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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