I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
