mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
