A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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