I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
