is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
