I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bet he comes in French.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
