Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
