this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
