Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
