Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
